Four years ago we took a trip to Israel. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life. Walking where Jesus walked, watching the words I’d read my entire life just jump right off the page and become real for me. It was thrilling. By far one of my favorite things to see was the Dead Sea.

It’s the most amazing thing. You get in the water, and sit down and just let go. You float. Without having to do anything, you just float. It’s amazing how the water holds and supports you, and you don’t have to do anything. I loved that feeling.

I feel like my life is a little like the Dead Sea right now. I strain sometimes to keep my head above water. Sometimes it hurts, but then I let go and I realize I don’t have to try so hard. I have support. My head stays above water without straining.  And I just float.

There’s nothing wrong with floating sometimes.

I am forever changed by that float in the Dead Sea. Even though no life can thrive there, it’s still fascinating to me. I want my life to be overflowing with rich, life-giving waters. I don’t want to just float on and get by. But sometimes, it’s just ok. It’s what we need to do.

I continue to put one foot in front of another. I hurt and struggle every day. I wish I was better, and wish I could take back some of the stupid things I say. My days are hard, and my nights are long.

I wish I could say joy always comes in the morning. Sometimes joy isn’t there. Sometimes I just can’t get myself out of bed. Sometimes it takes every ounce of energy in me to be mommy.

Sometimes I just float.
And you do to.
And that’s ok.

The important part is that you keep floating. 

My biggest girl loves secrets and surprises. There’s nothing more fun than to tell her you have a surprise for her and watch her giggle and squirm with joy until she sees what you have in store for her. I can’t get enough of the excitement she has for the little things and special moments.

Yesterday Daddy took the bigs out for donuts and to play at the park so I could clean house. {We won’t talk about how long it’s been since I’ve cleaned. Whoa.} As they came running in the door after their time out, she couldn’t WAIT to tell me all about their outing.

“Mommy, I have to tell you a SECRET!!!!!!” she whispered so quietly and so happily.

And in her tiny voice she went on to tell me about slides and sprinkle donuts and how ZoZo was scared of the ducks. Every detail her little memory could recall, she spilled it all. As I sat down to get right on her level and took her little hands in mine while she talked, I was her whole world at that moment. She was so thrilled to share her secrets and the adventure of her day.

It made my heart jump for joy and ache at the same time. 

She’s growing. We are both growing.

Just three short years ago I was holding her in my arms as my tiny baby, and now she’s exploring the world and full of adventure. How did that happen so quickly? But also just three short years ago I was a brand new mommy so unsure and so scared of what was ahead.

We both have grown so much. 

I’ve been having some growing pains lately.
And I’m doing a LOT of growing. A lot.

I’m striving to be content with where God has us, and the plan He has for us. It’s not always easy, and it hurts to be stretched and grown. Sometimes growing really hurts, and lately that is the truth. But it hurts so good.

God is using my pain and turning it into something beautiful.

Are you allowing Him to use your pain? Are you turning your growing pains into something beautiful? 

I struggle. Just like all of you do. At the end of the day I breathe a sigh of relief that I made it to bed time in one piece. Then I collapse on the couch with a bucket of ice cream and mindless tv or my computer, usually both. I seek my encouragement from my fellow mamas in the trenches with me.

But I’ve got it all wrong. 

Last night as I was getting frustrated with my poor 19 month old who thinks it’s hilarious to kick her newborn baby sister (my oh my, what is it with middle children??), I needed encouragement. So many times I will run to twitter and beg for someone to encourage me by venting about my day.

Instead of running to the twitters, I ran to the word. 

Begging: “Lord, please encourage me. Show me your face and give me strength.” 

And not-so-shockingly it came through for me. The words jumped off the screen (because who uses those paper bibles these days? Ok, maybe some of you. That’s cool too.) I was reminded by some really encouraging words.

“Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.” 1 Chronicles 16:11

ALWAYS. Seek his face always. When you are up to your elbows in poop. When the kids are fighting non stop. When your head is pounding from the lack of sleep. When nothing makes sense.

Always.
Seek his face always.

It’s that simple. Are you seeking His face always before running to other sources of strength?

Run to Him first, and then you can be an encouragement to others that it’s possible to handle anything.

As I’m a little less than 9 weeks from giving birth, I can’t help but try to get into the head of the mother of the Savior of the world. Did she really have ANY idea what was about to happen? This (very) young woman who was in the middle of a scandal. I can only imagine the looks she got from people. There’s something incredibly judgmental about women. We all think we know the right way to do it, and jump to conclusions so quickly. I doubt it was any different 2000 years ago.

I imagine she spent a lot of time hidden in her home, with tears streaming down her face because no one understood. I’m sure she questioned if she was the right person for the job. Don’t all mothers question whether or not we are cut out for this? Not only was she becoming a mother, but a mother to the son of God.

Mary, did you REALLY know how much your life would change? 

Were you prepared for the hormones? 

You couldn’t run down the street for extra diapers or formula when breastfeeding got too tough. 

You had no iPhone to play lullabys and entertain your little toddler while you got a quick shower or ate something. 

Did you have a support system of moms?

Before I became a mom, I really had NO idea what was ahead for me. It was hard. I spent many hours rocking my crying baby while I cried right along with her. I was clueless. I’m sure Mary was too.

But Mary…did you REALLY know how creation held their breath as you contracted and pushed that precious baby boy out? That you becoming a mother meant LIFE and HOPE for the rest of us?

We celebrate His birthday in expectation every year.
He was born to set us free.

Mary, thank you for what you did.
For being the patient and loving mother that you were.
For taking on a terrifying role at such a young age.

I hope you found your rest in Him. 
Because I sure do.

This is by far my favorite version of my favorite song. Enjoy this little clip of it!

People ask me all the time how I manage two tiny humans (especially now that I’m preggo with #3) and still have a smile on my face. Most of the time, it’s pretty manageable. But, sometimes it’s tough!

GRACE.

The best thing I do as a mom is give myself grace. Lots of it. I’m a very organized, on the edge of OCD clean type of person. But if you walk in my house at any given moment, you may not be able to tell. I’m NOT good at house cleaning. I love having a clean house, I just don’t do it very often. There’s most likely a big pile of dishes in the kitchen and a day old plate of mac and cheese on the table.

But I guarantee most likely if you walk in my house, you will see two happy smiling children. If you look closely you will see a tiny baby bump and a very happy and tired mama.

So my advice to you as a tired, worn out mama?

Give yourself some grace.

Have a good heart to heart with your man. Get on the same page. This is really important.  Plan a couple of nights a week that you have a nice dinner, and on the other nights? Have corn dogs and Mac & Cheese! If he really likes a clean house, ask him to go marry a housecleaner! HA! Or come up with a plan. I totally stink at doing the laundry. I rarely put it all away, but my hubby knows this and he jokes about it. He doesn’t expect a spotless house, but he does expect our children to be loved and alive when he gets home.

So you’re telling me the dishes are piled up and you can’t walk across the floor? Your baseboards are growing new baseboards? Mine too. Who cares? I mean seriously, in the big picture…WHAT REALLY MATTERS?

Your children will have better memories of the quality time you spend with them, than the quality time you spend with your vacuum cleaner.

I encourage you to drop the worries of today and embrace the important things. Those little people that grow up so fast. Quit looking at pinterest perfect homes and look into the eyes of your children and live life!!

Oh, and take lots of naps too. You can tell your husband I said so and he can take it up with me.