My heart has been in a weird place lately. I’ve had a hard time opening up and sharing it, so I’ve been quiet. I go through seasons where I take a step back and learn from others and soak it all in. I struggle to find my voice and feel like I have something to say.
Why? It basically comes down to this:
1. I’m human.
2. I take things very personally.
3. I have a really soft, sensitive heart.
4. I’m insecure.
I struggle with not feeling adequate. That someone else can say it better, so I let them. But that’s just bologna. Mostly because the thought of bologna makes me want to puke right now, so really it’s fitting.
GOD HAS WRITTEN OUT MY STORY. I have passions He has placed in me. I have joys and sorrows, I have a story. I watch other women rocking the world and making such an impact for His kingdom and I feel like all I do is change dirty diapers and clean up toys all day long.
I’m in “survival mode” as I like to call it. With a 28 month old, an 11 month old and pregnant…there’s really no other way to put it. I pour my heart, soul and what tiny bit of energy I have into these little humans every day. They are my mission field, they are my calling. How dare I feel like I’m not making an impact on the Kingdom?!?!?!
This is why I’m attending The Influence Conference in a few months. Because we are all just one big group of people with a heart for Him, and a mountain of faults and insecurities. Don’t think for a second that you are not good enough. If I believed that lie, I wouldn’t have a plane ticket and a few amazing roommates that I’ve never even met in real life. Talk about your comfort zone.
What is your story? Are you allowing yourself to be held back by your own insecurities?
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CODE IT & LOAD IT!
I feel you, mama! Even though our days don’t “look” the same, what’s in our hearts is identical. I have so many things I want to, NEED to say, but I just don’t know how…does that make sense? You are such a wonderful example of a godly woman and mama…I love seeing God in your every day! Great job…can’t wait to hug your neck in October!
I can’t wait to meet you sweet lady!!! Thank you for sharing your heart with me
I think it is very common to have these insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. In fact it is the very thing I focussed on for seven long months of therapy
I have to admit that working through it with a therapist made me realise so much about myself and recently I have really come to a place of peace about so many things. Once I realised it was not about anybody else but me and my relationship with God, things felt so much better. In fact I wrote quite a bit about it recently.
I still have moments when it all gets too much. When I realise that the book I am writing is a huge responsibility and I am terrified it will never be enough. And when we’re looking to relocate and change our lives and it all seems exciting yet terrifying. And when I worry about whether I have done enough each day, even though I know I haven’t stopped!
You amaze me with how much you do each day, how much love you have, and the family you are building! You inspire me to look within and follow where my heart leads me, because that’s where I always find the answers to my prayers. Never underestimate yourself (though I know it is so easy to do!)
Finally, I am reminded of the following I read recently, and I hope you don’t mind me sharing. I hope it touches you as much as it touched me xx
Words of Wisdom from Mother Theresa
If you find serenity and happiness, others may be jealous; be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you have got anyway.
And on those days when it all seems to be too much, just do what you can to get through the day, for Spirit is working through you anyway.
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centred; forgive them anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat and betray you; be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.
You see in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and anyone else anyway.
Amanda recently posted..The Return of Simple Pleasures
Thank you for your amazing encouragement! I love those words from Mother Teresa! I’m so thankful for people like you who always encourage and uplift!
Cute blog! Just found it.
I think we are totally one in the same person. I’m very sensitive and take things too personally. Chin up! That makes us “people pleasers” and whats wrong with that?? Your kiddos are adorable!!
Britt recently posted..Be Who You Want Them To Be
Thanks for coming by!!!! I appreciate your encouragement!
Oh man, this totally resonates with me. I don’t even need to say more than that. Thank you for that question and making me really think. i am definitely held back by my insecurities! and truuuuuuust me, I would be going to Influence if I could. but I’m all the way on the west coast
it’d be quite the challenge for us. anyway, thanks again for sharing your sweet heart. 
Wish you could make it!! I would love to meet you in person!!!
Girl, I understand. Sometimes I feel so inadequate for Him. I sit at home with my kids and hang out in my Christian bubble, but we are called to go out and make disciples. I think that is why I am going to BlogHer. To be salt and light among those who may not have the hope that we do. I may not be making disciples of everyone there, but at least I feel like I am fulfilling His calling.
You are doing an amazing job and have inspired me to be a better mom, Christian, and wife. Just know that you are all those things and an inspiration to your readers.
I love your thoughts on this!!! I’ve been struggling with going to BlogHer, because I’m afraid I will walk away frustrated that it’s all “business”, but I love your heart for it!! Maybe next year I can make it and we can finally hug!!!!!
You should! I don’t go for the business side because really? my blog has maybe 5 followers, including my family lol. I go to meet the people, maybe learn a little something, but most importantly to be salt and light because there really isn’t much of that going on. I’m sure there some, but I didn’t run into many other Christian bloggers while there, but I think God did that on purpose
And yes, we need to hug!!
The more I read your blog, the more I realize that we are destined to get to meet SOMEDAY. We have much more in common that we think. Those first three descriptions of yourself? That’s totally me. I over think things and worry that the way I see/think/feel about something isn’t being articulated as well as someone else could do it. And I’m extremely insecure in most situations. Keep your head up, girl. Because personally? I think you rock!
Courtney Kirkland recently posted..What’s in a Name?
We are for sure destined to meet!!! Sometimes being so open in the online community makes it hard for my sensitive heart. I appreciate your encouragement and I’m so thankful for friends like you who I can ALWAYS count on and know have a heart like mine
Yes, yes, yes! You just wrote so much of what I’ve been feeling lately! Thank you for sharing your heart and honesty.
Brittany recently posted..InstaFriday: Our Life Through the Eyes of Instagram
I just found your blog through metrofamilymagazine.com So cute!
I hear you about feeling inadequate, especially in the blogoshere. Why oh why are women so hard on themselves? We are beautiful, smart, influential, life givers and most importantly children of God…why do we still beat ourselves up?
You reminded me today to see my beautiful story through my beautiful family.
Thanks and keep up the good work.
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