We are those evil types of parents that plan to discipline our children. I know, I know. Go ahead and judge. But yes, we are fans of the timeout. Buuuuuuuuut….we don’t know what we are doing.
Over the last few weeks I’ve been talking a lot about how we are having to really start disciplining and trying to teach her the difference between right and wrong. Our major struggles right now are her getting into things we’ve told her a million times not to (mostly the dog’s bowls), throwing fits when she doesn’t get her way, and throwing food off her high chair.
Really, she’s a great kid. But she’s STUBBORN.
So, she doesn’t want to hold mama’s hand to cross the parking lot. She doesn’t want to walk that way at Target, she wants to weave through the clothes where mama can’t see her. When I tell her no she throws her tiny body on the ground and SCREEEEEEEEEEEEAMS.
She KNOWS when something is wrong because she’ll say “no, no!” as she starts to do it. She’s really stinking smart, but she continues to do the things we say “no” to.
UM, HALP?
What are your best tips on disciplining a tiny toddler, and when is a good time to actually start the “timeout”? We aren’t sure she’ll really understand it yet, and there’s no way she will actually sit on the timeout wall if I tell her to. (FYI – she is 13.5 months, acts 13 years 18 months)
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CODE IT & LOAD IT!
CODE IT & LOAD IT!
Redirecting towards a different activity/action/response seems to work well when they’re little, little. We started time outs at 2. My best advice is to stick to what is best for your family and to watch a lot of Supernanny for time out instructions and moral support. You aren’t alone! Good luck!
Oh wow. I know where you are coming from. My little one is challenging me on the same issues all of the time (including the dogs dishes. Aparently giving her ample play time in the sand and water table and bathtub doesn’t reduce the attractiveness of playing in the dogs’ water and food bowls).
I tell her “no” firmly, expecting the meltdown that inevitably follows, then distract her with something acceptable. I also tend to ignore the tantrums at home (even if its breaking my heart the whole time), hoping she will realize that they aren’t an effective way to get what she wants. For now, until she can understand time out, I think consistency and showing them acceptable alternatives are key to discipline at this age. Notice I said “think”. Im just winging this whole mommy thing.
Glad i’m not the only one struggling and winging this thing!!! I hope it starts kicking in for you and she begins to “get it”
Good luck mama!!!
I would read shepherding a child’s heart.. so helpful.
Your right I don’t think she would stay in time out at his age.
http://www.amazon.com/Shepherding-Childs-Heart-Tedd-Tripp/dp/0966378601
Yeah i’ve heard great things about that book, we’ll have to give it a shot! Thanks!
Ok, I’m not a mom yet, but I grew up with a childminding mum and then went on to work in childcare, so I do have some experience in this.
In the nurseries I worked at, toddlers the same age as your daughter would be put on “time out” in a very simple way… they would literally be moved away from whatever they were doing wrong, told “no” and made to sit on the floor wherever they were put. We didn’t make them stay very long, just until they calmed down and we could repeat to them exactly what it was that we didn’t want them to do. It worked very well because it was like a stepping stone towards a proper time-out area for when they were a bit older.
Of course you get stubborn kids… one child my mum used to look after was so stubborn that he would actually do things that must have hurt him just for defiance (e.g. he would stand right up against a burning hot radiator saying “no, no” even though it must have hurt him to do so and would keep trying to do it over and over again even when we moved him away). The repetition can be hard to take as you feel like you’re getting nowhere, and the screaming is hard because no-one wants to make a child cry even if the reason is to keep them safe. But starting now means that you have plenty of time to make it clear to your daughter that her actions have consequences, before the baby is born.
It sounds like you are doing what is right for you all, so just keep doing it and adjust the time-out as and when you feel you need to. You’ll get there xx
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That’s great advice. I like the idea of just taking her away from whatever it is, and sitting her down. Then explaining it to her and letting her calm down. The repetition does get hard, but I know she’s learning from it. Thanks so much for your help!!
We’ve done a few different things with time-outs (J-24 mos., H-22 mos.) We started quite awhile ago, pretty sure they didn’t understand it when we started. In the beginning we would sit with them and tell them “no,” and explain why they were in T.O. With one child we have had to move the time-out location several times whey they were little (a closed room, the top of the stairs behind the gate, etc.). With the other one, we gave a time-out and a flick on the wrist. Now both of them get it, often placing themselves in time-out, which is at the bottom of the stairs. And they always tell us now what they did to get a time-out.
My best advice is to try different things until you find something that works. Every kid is different as you well know and sometimes you even have to change what may or not be working for your child. However, while being open to changing the way you discipline, be consistent with why you are disciplining – (hitting always gets a time-out, etc.)
Good luck!
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Thanks so much Megan, that’s great advice. I always have to remind myself that every kid is different, sometimes it’s easy to forget that when I see something work with another child and get frustrated that it’s not working for me. We will keep being consistent and figure out what works best for her!
Hey lady…
We started “time out” with our son around 18 months or so. 1 minute for every year of age. We “redirected” a lot and explained the right thing to do. It’s important that you follow up the “no” with the appropriate behavior. Like “Stop” or “No” and then “We walk like this”. No explanation leaves a confused child and a frustrated mama. STAY CONSISTENT and don’t give in. It doesn’t really matter what you choose as your “discipline” as long as you stick with it… then she knows what to expect. One last thing… Make sure the punishment fits the crime, and it has to be immediate. If she’s not behaving when walking on her own, you say she’ll have to sit in the stroller/cart. Good luck!
P.S. We’re ALL flying by the seat of our pants here!
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Hey! I know I’m way late on this… but I just got to a computer and I am catching up on my Google reader.
I took Belle to her one year checkup yesterday and our pediatrician brought this topic up so I thought I’d share his instructions to me! He said: “This is the time to begin time outs. Do not show a strong reaction in any way. Calmly redirect but if she needs a time out, place her in a play pen or somewhere. Every child is different so I will tell you to place her in there for as long as it takes to keep her from going straight back to what she was doing. (some kids take 30 seconds, some more than a minute… depends on personality). She won’t understand it right away, but by 18 months to 2 years, she will understand it and will be easier to discipline later.”
I can’t believe I remembered that so clearly!
Good luck — I can tell you… my kid doesn’t suffer in silence either. We are so there with you!
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