Every time I open my top drawer in our bathroom I see a single, lonely, unused pregnancy test. It almost hurts my heart a little bit.
Because there’s a good chance it will never serve it’s purpose.
We are done.
Well, maybe. Most likely. I thought my first pregnancy was tough with everything I faced, and so far only 16 weeks in, this is way worse. I know how incredibly blessed I am to even be able to carry a child. I am reminded of that fact daily when I look into the eyes of my perfect little girl. She’s a blessing and a miracle. Every baby is.
I can’t be the mommy I want and need to be for the 9 months my body is taken over. My body resists so much, and takes on a lot. I want so badly to crawl around on the floor and wrestle with my tiny toddler. I want the energy to chase her and enjoy her. But pregnancy makes me a different person.
So, as hard as it is to admit – this may very well be my last pregnancy. The last time I feel a tiny person move and kick inside of me. The last time I hold a freshly baked newborn in my arms.
This doesn’t mean we are done. Because there are so many babies to love and who need a forever home. Although we have been planning for nearly a year to adopt, we are looking at the exciting idea of adopting 2 kiddos. We know we still want to adopt from Ethiopia if their government will allow, and are praying through what and where the next adoption will happen. Domestic or International? Lots to pray and think through in the coming years.
I believe the hard thing for me will be stopping at two adoptions. Just because my body can’t physically handle more pregnancies, doesn’t mean we have to give up and stop at two children. God has a bigger plan for us and He has 147 million babies across the world that need homes. If I can shrink that number by just a few, I am more than ok with that.
I think I’ll keep that unused test as a reminder of the blessing my kids are that I carried, and a blessing my kids are that I didn’t. Because even though it doesn’t serve it’s purpose, doesn’t mean I can’t serve mine.
CODE IT & LOAD IT!
CODE IT & LOAD IT!
Amazing!
oh man, i am actually excited for this day. i think i will enjoy every minute of my last pregnancy to just soak it all up in knowing that it’s my last! it’s very bittersweet, eh?
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very bittersweet. making me appreciate this pregnancy more…even though i’m MISERABLE and can’t wait for it to be over.
What a beautiful post! My body doesn’t react well at all to pregnancy and having suffered with Endometriosis and knowing how lucky I am to be pregnant I sometimes feel guilty for feeling so bad about it and saying “I can only do this once”. But the truth is, I can only do this once, and I’m ok with that. It is sad when I think we won’t ever see a first scan or hold our newborn more than once, but we’re always said that whatever happens is God’s plan for us. We may adopt further down the line, or we may stick at one and be the best aunt/uncle and friend to other kids around us, we haven’t decided yet. But we do know this is our only trip through pregnancy and I am both saddened and completely relieved by that thought!
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What a blessing that you were given this pregnancy!! I hope all goes well and you deliver a perfect little angel
Beautiful! I am excited to see how God continues to form your family!
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Beautiful post
Have you guys considered adopting out of foster care? Especially if you are willing to adopt more than one…sibling groups are available. Just a thought.
That’s definitely an option for us in the future. Praying for you during this rough pregnancy!
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We hadn’t thought about adopting out of foster care, but that could be an option for us. We were thinking we would probably look to adopt infants, but maybe God will have a different plan for us!! Thanks for your prayers friend!
Never say never. I had two hard pregnancies. I said while pregnant with my second that I was “done”. My 2nd is 15 months and now we feel like one more pregnancy is worth a try down the road. I hope you feel better soon and glad you are enjoying the special journey of adding to your family, whether thru adoption or otherwise
I won’t say I’ll never do it again…just that there’s a good chance
Nothing will get “snipped” until we are totally sure we are done!!! hehe…
This is such a great post…. I have been talking to my husband about adopting for Reece’s Rainbow… it’s an organization that helps people to adopt Down syndrome orphans. I fell in love with one and was inquiring… but she just passed away. I have been crying for days now. These children are abandoned by their parents like trash because they have a disability. Our youngest and last has Downs and I love him so fiercly. He just turned 2 and I was looking to give him a sibling. I cannot have anymore children..it would kill me to try… I would if I could. But this organization is amazing. I hope you find your kiddos, and bless the one you are carrying and the doll you already have. Thank you for sharing.
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